1. The Storm


Once upon a time, in the cold state of Minnesota, a little girl named Dorothy lived with her uncle, her aunt, and her dog Toto. She was a huge fan of the Minnesota Timberwolves. One day, after a sad game between the Wolves and the Lakers, when she went to bed, there was a fierce storm that didn’t let her sleep well. Suddenly, Dorothy felt the house tooking off from the ground. Afraid, she hid under her sheets (and her blankets), and prayed to God and Trะพlliver not to get harmed. She feared that any time the house would fell violently to the ground but, for a couple of minutes, nothing happened. Between the panic from the fright and the calmness, she felt asleep.
 

2. The Muskies


A violent crash waked Dorothy. She wondered what just happened. She looked around and saw that the house wasn’t moving anymore and a shiny sun entered by the window. When she went out of the house she was amazed. She was in a beautiful, beautiful place. There were lots of trees and birds, and a little stream of clear water. She looked back at the house and saw that there was sort of a bullseye drawn beneath it. The house had landed right at the Target Center, so to speak.

While she was looking around, she noticed a group of the strangest people coming towards her. They weren’t as tall as the people she used to know. They were about her height.

-    You are welcome to the land of the Muskies, my name is J.J. We want to thank you for having killed the Wicked Witch of the East and setting our people free.
-    I killed who!?
-    Yeah, you killed the evil Stern witch, who forced us to wear these stupid Muskies’ jerseys. Now we’re free to wear the Wolves’ again. Look. He’s been crushed by your house.

Dorothy didn’t understand what these creatures were saying but, when she tried to ask, they were leaving, celebrating. Then, from the sky, a bearded man descended towards them and explained some things to Dorothy.

-    Hi, I’m Kevin, the Witch of the North.
-    No shit. Are you a real witch?
-    Yeah, but I’m a good one. People love me. There were 4 witches in Oz. Two of them, the north and south are good ones. And the other two are wicked. Well, there’s only one wicked witch left now.
-    Cool. Well, it’s getting late, how can I go back home?
-    Well… er… That’s not so easy. You cannot go out of Oz… If you really want to go, you should go see Adelman the Wizard to the Emerald City. He’s the most powerful around here. He could help you.
-    How can I go there?
-    Follow the yellow brick path. It used to be an easy way, but the Wicked Stern compressed it because of a lockout and whatnot and now it’s a bit rough. Damn you Stern.
-    Off I go!
-    Wait, take these sneakers with you. They were from Wicked Stern, but he’s dead now.
-    Are they high tops? – asked J.J. the Muskie.
-    Nope, sorry.
-    Darn it. Dorothy, could you please ask the Wizard for a pair of high tops for me? I don’t want to damage my ankles anymore.
-    Sure!

Kevin kissed Dorothy goodbye in the forehead and Toto and her started their way to the Emerald City to see the Wizard.
 

3. The Scarecrow


Before hitting the road, Dorothy packed some food from her house, and put on the Stern’s sneakers and a white and blue Wolves hoodie. Then, Dorothy and Toto walked all day long and, when it was getting dark, they found a little house where some Muskies were having a party. It was the house of Wayne, and they were celebrating the freedom from the Stern witch and his Muskies’ jersey curse. He invited her inside.

-          You must be a great sorceress – Wayne said – because you’ve killed the witch and wear his sneakers.
-          Stop saying that. It was an accident and…
-          Yeah, and you also wear blue and white. White as the color of the witches, and blue as the color of the Muskies. You must be a good witch so. And you’re also very pretty…
-          Ok, if you say so…
-          Please, stay the night.
-          Errr…
-          No, I mean… You’re just a little girl, I’m not into that... Besides, I have a gorgeous girlfriend. Surely you’ve seen pictures of her. I just was being polite to you...

Dorothy and Toto spent the night at Wayne’s, and the next morning they were ready to get back in their way.

-          How far is Emerald City? – Dorothy asked Wayne
-          Don’t know. The Wizard Adelman speaks to me very seldom. I think I can do stuff for him, but he keeps forgetting me…
-          Oh, sorry to hear that. I could ask him to use you a bit more, if you want.
-          That would be great. Thanks Dorothy.

And then, Dorothy and Toto kept going.


Not long after, Dorothy and Toto stopped to rest by a Scarecrow. Dorothy looked at the Scarecrow. It was a decaying mess. It was dressed in rags and full of straw. The head was stuffed with weed. Suddenly, the Scarecrow spoke.

-          Yo, bitch!
-          What?
-          Wassup, yo?
-          Look, it’s weird enough for me to speak to a Scarecrow. Could you please use Standard English and not that weird gansta slang?
-          Sure, ma’am.
-          What’s your name?
-          B-Easy ma’am.
-          OK, so B-Easy… What are you doing up there?
-          Don’t know. Just hangin’ up.
-          Can’t you come down?
-          Nope, ma’am. I’m stuck. Wouldja help me down?
-          OK.

Dorothy helped the scarecrow down and they keep on talking.

-          You see. I’m going to Rick Adelman’s to see if he can help me go back home.
-          Who?
-          The wizard, you know?
-          Don’t know nothin’ ma’am. Look at my head. It’s full of weed and shit. Haven’t got no brains.
-          Oh poor thing. You have the skills to be great, but without IQ you’re doomed.
-          Doncha think that Rick of yours can gimme some brains, yo?
-          Well, I don’t know. But you can come along with me. If he can’t help you, you’re not going to be worse than now.
-          That’s right ma’am. Lemme go with you, okay?
-          Sure, the more the merrier.

Toto wasn’t so delighted with the scarecrow company and started barking at him. B-Easy was very afraid, but Dorothy comforted him, saying that Toto was harmless and he should fear other things, like a lighted match.

-          You see, I luv light’d matches. I like bit of fire in the weed of my head now and then, and the smoke and such.
-          You’re positively brainless.

And the three kept going to Emerald City.
 

4. The road across the Forest


-          So, tell me sum’thin ‘bout ya
-          My name is Dorothy Gale, and I’m from Minnesota.
-          And how’s up there?
-          The truth is that’s very grey, and cold. Here is very nice compared to there.
-          So, why wouldja go back there?
-          Hahaha, you certainly have no brains. We normal people love our homes, no matter how bright other places might be. There’s no place like home.
-          If you’d have da head full of weed, like me, you’d live always in a beautiful place, yo. Lucky for ‘Sota you people got some brains.
-          So, B-Easy, tell me something about you.
-          Well. Truth is can’t remember much ‘bout nothing. This head of my, you know.

They were talking like that for several hours, until then they came to a forest crossed by the yellow path. The scarecrow said that if the road went to Emerald they should follow it, so they went into it and walked by night. Toto could see in the dark and B-Easy didn’t really care, but Dorothy was having a bad time, until they found a cottage where Dorothy and Toto slept, while the scarecrow kept gazing on the moon in awe.
 

5. The Tin Woodman


When they woke up, they went looking for some water and something to eat. When they were near a stream, Dorothy heard something. She went to the place where the sound came from and found a Woodman made of tin standing still next to a half cut tree.

-          Hhhmmmmmm. Can you help?
-          Sure, what do you need?
-          Go my cottage. Find me an oil can and oil me. I’m rusty.

Dorothy ran back to the cottage, took the oil can and put some oil in all the joints of the Tin Woodman.

-          Thank girl. I been some years without moving. Caught me rains and rust my joints. Oh! I think you oild me to much the hand. They are slippery and it will be difficult to me handle the axe.
-          You’re very welcome. Sorry about your hands, but don’t worry. They’ll dry eventually. By the way, what’s your name?
-          Me name is Niko, but every people call me Pek.
-          Nice to meet you Pek.
-          So. What you do at the forest?
-          We are going to the Emerald City to see the Wizard. I want him to take me back home, and the Scarecrow wants some brains.
-          Oh. Can go with you? I want a heart. I’m to ruthless, I think. I want feel.
-          Sure thing, pal!
-          You know, I used to have big heart. But some evil sorcerer called Rambis make me prisoner of his, many time. For a year or so. Little by little I become rusty in his prison and my heart was being smaller every time, you see? Until it disappear.
-          Oh, poor thing. I’m sure The Wizard Adelman can give you a heart.

And like that, the three of them kept on going to Emerald City.
 

6. The Cowardly Lion


They walked some time through the woods when, all of the sudden, a lion appeared and started attacking our friends. With a blow of its paw, he sent the scarecrow to the ground and the Woodman to… Well, in fact Pek the Woodman barely moved because of the impact, for he was made of very solid tin. Then he faced Toto and, when he was about to bite him, Dorothy punched the lion’s nose.

-          How you dare to attack poor Toto. You should be ashamed to attack such a little dog. You’re nothing but a coward.
-          I know. I’m a cowardly lion, I can’t help it.
-          A cowardly lion? And how’s that?
-          I don’t know. I think I’ve been caged for too long. They tried to tame me, to take away my power and keep me small, but that’s not in my nature. Unfortunately, when they let me loose, I had grown accustomed to be in a cage, and now I’m too cowardly to be the fierce lion I should be.
-          Oh, that’s a shame. The king of beasts should be courageous.
-          I wish I had courage!
-          Well, we are going to Oz to see the Wizard, so he can take me home, and give the Scarecrow some brains, and the Tin Man a heart. He could give you some courage as well, if you come with us.
-          Then, if you don’t mind, I’ll go with you.
-          Sure. By the way, what’s your name?
-          Derrick.

And they kept walking through the woods. Once, the Tim Man stepped upon a bug and killed it, and he cried sorrowfully until his jaw rusted, and the Scarecrow, who was the one that noticed, had to oil it.

-          From now I will be more carefully, because if I step a bug, I cry and rust me jaw. You have hearts so you not have to worry. Myself have to watch close because I have no heart. When Oz give me heart I will not worry.
 

7. The Journey to Oz


They spent the night in the forest. The woodman chopped some wood and made a fire, and the lion offered to kill a dear for Dorothy to eat, but Pek said that he would cry, so the lion went out to eat and B-Easy found some nuts and picked them up for Dorothy.

The next day they walked for a couple of hours and then they found a ditch on the road. It was too wide and deep for them to cross it.

-          What are we going to do now? – asked Dorothy
-          Well, yo – answered B-Easy – we can’t fly, nor jump it, so we gotta stay pat.
-          I think I can jump over it. – said Derrick
-          So, that’s it, bro. You can carry us with ya, one at the time.
-          Sure

And, although he was afraid at first, the lion carried his friends to the other side thanks to his powerful jumps.
Soon after that, they found another ditch. This time it was wider and Derrick couldn’t jump over it. They sat by the ditch wondering what to do when they heard a noise.

-          We must hurry, they are Kalidahs around here – said Derrick
-          What’s a Kalidah? – asked Dorothy
-          It’s a beast with body like bear and head like tiger. I’m very afraid of them.
-          I’m not surprised you are.
-          Woudlja both please shut the fuck up!!?? – said B-Easy – I think I know how to cross the ditch. See that tree there? Well, the Tin Man can do a Pek Smash of his or whatever and make us a bridge to cross over it.
-          Think I can do that – said Pek

And then, the Tin Woodman cut down the tree and made a bridge. When they were about to cross, two Kalidahs appeared. Dorothy, Toto, Pek and B-Easy hurried to cross, while Derrick faced the beasts. He roared at them and they stopped. Then the lion crossed the bridge as fast as he could, while the Kalidahs started to chase him again.

-          Hurry Pek, chop away the tree and send those mo-fo’s down – said B-Easy

And the woodman cut the tree and the beasts felt into the ditch.


Soon after, the group arrived to the end of the forest, where they found a river cutting the way.

-          Yo, Pek. You gotta helluva work today! Now you’re gonna made us a raft.

They spent the night by the river while Pek worked on the raft.
 

8. The Poppy Field


The next morning, the raft was finished and Dorothy, Toto, B-Easy, Derrick and Pek tried to cross the river on it. But when they reached the middle of the river, the current started to sweep the raft downstream.

-          This no good –Pek said-. If the river take us to west, the evil witch will slave us.
-          Ain’t gonna happen, bro’ –said the Scarecrow.

And he pushed with the pole as hard as he could. But the pole stuck at the bottom and the Scarecrow was left clinging at the pole in the middle of the river as the raft went on.

-          Holy shit. I’m worse now than when I met the li’l bitch. I was stuck in a pole in a cornfield, but every now and then I could scare them crows. Now I’m stuck in a pole in the middle of a fu…

But the current took the raft away and the rest of our friends didn’t hear anything else of the scarecrow rant. And they had their share of problems. But then, the lion said Pek to hold to the tip of his tail, and sprang into the water and swam toward the shore, taking the raft and our friends.

They were far of the yellow brick road, and the Scarecrow was in the pole in the middle of the river. They didn’t know how to help him when all of a sudden a Stork with a long neck and a sadly looking face came down.

-          What are you doing here?
-          We’re on our way to see the Wizard. –said Dorothy
-          But this is not the road.
-          We know. The thing is that we’ve lost our friend the scarecrow in the middle of the river. You see? It’s down there.
-          Oh, no problem. I can bring him back

And then the Stork flew to the Scarecrow, picked him, and took him to his friends.

-          Thank ya, weirdo. –The Scarecrow thanked.
-          Anytime. Well, I have to go now. Good luck in your quest.
-          By the way, what was your name? –Dorothy asked.
-          Randolph –said the Stork as he flew away.


They walked for a while trying to get back to the road, and they arrived to a great meadow of poppies.

-          Wow wow wow! How do you like if we stop here for a while, yo? –Said the Scarecrow

Everybody agreed, because they were tired, and they sat in this beautiful field. But the scarecrow had something in mind, and started gathering some poppy seeds. When he had plenty, he came back and sat among his friends and made some joints out of the seeds. He started smoking and, although he offered the others the joint, only the lion smoke. Anyhow, and just from the smoke, about half an hour later all of them felt relaxed and sleepy. They thought it was a good idea to start walking again, but the lion couldn’t make it, and stayed behind to sleep. Dorothy felt sleep as well, but she was light and the Tim Man carried her, while the scarecrow carried Toto. When they came out the poppy field, the Tin Man asked.

-          What we do now? Dorothy and Toto and Derrick are asleep. We cannot go without them.
-          Be easy bro’. Listen to me now. We should crash somewhere and sleep over the night. Fancy a joint?

And they slept until the next day
 
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